The undone to-do list has pretty much been the story of my life. I've come to realize that the to-do list never completed makes a room tainted with disappointment.
So what's the solution?
Bear down. Focus on one task at a time. Stop being lazy. Stop allowing things to distract you. Disconnect from your phone. Disconnect from social media.
In 12 months you'll be so glad you did. Those to-do lists will start getting finished and your life will start getting changed.
My buddy that weighs 375lbs needs to get off the couch and starting walking/running. My relative that has blood-pressure going through the roof should have gone to the gym his whole life. My stubborn belly fat would go away if I would just eat healthier.
But I have a buddy who goes to the gym and eats healthily and is shredded. He "doesn't" need to eat healthily or go to the gym or do more cardio. But he does.
Because he does, he really doesn't have to. If he stops all those things, he'll have to do them.
His good habits have put him in a position to not desperately need to form them. If he breaks those good habits, he'll need them again.
Focus on forming good habits to put yourself in a position to NOT need those habits, but still, keep doing the good habits.
I'm fully aware that this blog post is basically junk pseudo-science, but it's a theory I have had for some time that has been observable in my life on multiple occasions.
When you have a gut feeling about a person, a situation, a business venture, etc... listen and consider trusting your intuitive nature enough to adjust your approach to consider the warning signs it throws your way.
I personally find it very difficult because I always try to look for the rational explanation in most things I commit to doing and just following this "feeling" is very hard for me to do.
That's why I usually end up burned by not listening to what my intuitive sense so ambiguously warned me of before I ran aground like a big fleshy shipwreck.
Intuition seems to be a sixth sense so don't ignore it when it starts yelling.
At 8:03 pm on Tuesday, March 26th, 2019, my wonderful wife has made me the proud father of three children with the birth of our second son, our third child overall, Theodore.
Theodore means “gift of God” and his middle name, Hackston is a tip of the cap to David Hackston, an old Scottish Covenanter figure who lived and died in incredible fashion.
He's a happy and healthy baby as far as we can tell.
I wonder what that moment feels like to be born into this world, but I forget what it was like when it happened to me. In fact, I've never met anybody who remembers what it was like.
Everybody in the room gushing over you and croaking these strange things at each other while making faces at you. But you don't even know what a person is, what life is, what breath is, or why you should trust any of these people.
You just coast through life for a few months and those of us that survive those months spend the rest of our lives indebted to our mothers for guiding us while we were helpless.
I've watched my wife give birth three times and it's incredible to see of what the human body can be capable. I've made three new people and that's really cool but it's really strange feeling, too.
You've got one life to live, buddy. Don't waste time, don't do wrong, and be brave in everything you do.
There are 100x things you do each day without thinking about them.
Most of us pick up our phone and check it 50x times a day without realizing it.
More important than checking our smartphones are the little things we do when we do what we're good at. When we play the piano, when we file insurance data spreadsheets, when we build our email newsletter, when we interact with clients on the phone, and more. Little things that we hardly notice.
Things that we take for granted.
I was sitting in a consultation "session" recently offering what little advice I could and more than a couple times throughout this "session" the person to whom I was speaking asked me to stop and re-explain or show what it was I was talking about.
They didn't want to see the overarching thing I was talking about again, they wanted to see the five little things I did in that process that they never thought to try.
I also had never seen them as significant enough to consider sharing.
It has me sitting here thinking that I should be focusing on the little things I do and take for granted every day. Maybe sharing those things more often would be helpful and interesting for people.
The lesson I took was that the journey to the thing that you're teaching probably contains more teaching moments than you realize. Being an "expert" (blechhh) at something can cause you to forget the pains of learning and figuring all that stuff out. Share it all! No matter how mundane you think it may be.
They all say to trust your heart, to follow your instinct, and to do what you feel is right.
But what they don't tell you is that these things usually don't pay the bills–passion projects rarely start out as money-making ventures.
The passion is probably the $50 million company, but if you go broke before you get started, you'll stunt your ability to get there sooner.
The answer is to take a day job, work nights, work the weekend, and just generally do the "boring", non-glamorous work so you can pay the bills and reduce stress and pressure to make bad deals early on.
Reducing stress and pressure also has the added benefit of allowing you to operate more creatively which typically will have better long term payoff as well.
It's hard to get a second (or third) job! But almost nothing can beat hard work and commitment to the task at hand.
Do that and you'll be in great shape.
Everything seems impossible if it hasn't been done before. I've talked about that here before, but it really is a point that we can't forget.
I think that this prevailing attitude amongst most of our peers, has led us to look at celebrities, sports figures, etc... as these characters of mythological proportion. But why do we do this?
We do it because they've done the impossible and only superheroes and mythological creatures can do that. We're in awe of them.
That is, we're in awe of them until we start believing in ourselves.
When we believe in ourselves so much that we *know* that we, too could be the one standing there, it takes the mythological sting out of the celebrity.
Remember not to ask "why me?" but instead ask "why not me?"
It'll bring you more balance and people won't resemble demigods any longer.
In very many things we don't know how much we don't know. This is true for fluid situations like negotiating a business contract or offering help to somebody in need.
It's also true for objective truths in science, medicine, law, math, etc...
Usually, we don't know how much we don't know. (But we assume we're very well-versed in most things!)
The key is to understand and accept that and approach new situations with openness.
We don't want to ask questions to confirm what we think we know, we must find ways to get to the bits we don't know. Jump into the unknown and risk finding out something new.
Don't be blinded by what we know guiding us into never learning anything new.
We must remain as flexible as possible in fluid situations and when learning new things. Open and fluid is a recipe for success.
“Every case is new. We must let what we know–our known knowns–guide us but not blind us to what we do not know; we must remain flexible and adaptable to any situation; we must always retain a beginner’s mind; and we must never overvalue our experience or undervalue the informational and emotional realities served up moment by moment in whatever situation we face.”
When I started writing these posts I was sure I wouldn't last a week. It was the third time I had committed to doing this and I'd failed both times before.
I'm working on another project and I desperately am trying to be more regular and complete one big task for this project each day, week after week, month after month.
I've had good runs for a few weeks at a time and even a few months at a time, but in the 5 years I've been working on the project, I've never managed to put together more than 5 months where I am regular and consistent.
I think the issue is a matter of my self-discipline and self-starting. Greatness lies in the ability to start without somebody forcing you to. I tend to let a desire for perfection neuter good things before they have a chance to get off the ground.
If I'm being honest with myself, I'm not sure it's a desire perfection or a fear that what I'm doing isn't good enough. The thought process if then that perfection is the ONLY thing that would be good enough. It's just another excuse that I let hold me back.
Writing it down and putting it out there is helpful, so I suppose we should consider this post more of a lecture to myself than anything else.
Whether we realize it or not, we make pretty much all of our decisions based on the emotion we feel toward a particular thing or idea. You do, I do, and our prospective customers do, too.
When talking about negotiating a new contract, figuring out pricing, or collecting unpaid bills, it's important to have self-control when the heat of the discussion takes place. We must control our emotions.
If we don't work on our self-control, we'll get heated and much less formidable in negotiating conversations. You lose your head, you lose everything.
If we can't control our own emotions, how can we expect to influence or "control" the emotions of the party with whom we're dealing?
Self-control. It's vital.
To agree to the salesman's compromise is comfortable and easy. That's really why we do it. Those uncomfortable moments with the salesman aren't fun for most of us and we're looking to get out and get a deal we can brag to friends and family about.
Taking the second offer, with a couple of easy throw-ins from the company, makes us feel like we fought for our deal. Meanwhile, the company is collecting checks... usually from us.
Next time you need to negotiate, don't let fear and aversion to pain drive your negotiating process. Enter with a clear goal and negotiate with that in mind.
Find the creative solution, the weird solution, the one others don't think to ask because "there is just NO WAY it would ever work." Don't worry about being uncomfortable, embrace the moment, love the hardness, and work with the conflict moments to find the great deals around the edges and you'll walk away with better deals and far less remorse.
I really like Seth Godin.
I check out Seth Godin's blog every couple days and I saw the other day he wrote a few words about the saying "Move fast and break things" where he fails to see the merit of the saying.
Either I'm onto something or I'm just in the mood to be a contrarian.
Breaking things has never been "the point of your work" as Godin says. The saying is all about NOT overthinking things and being decisive.
This means that you will certainly break some things, but don't worry about it.
Decisiveness will allow you to correct from those mistakes and gain ground quickly.
Don't worry about "making things better" or "learning something" or "creating possibility".
When you think about these things you lock yourself up. When you let go and allow your self to break things, you put yourself exactly in a position to make things better, learn new things, create possibilities, and get better and do better in all the things you do.
When you're away from work be concerned with the good things Godin talks about, but when works begin, be fearless and ready to break things if you make a mistake, but quickly adjust course and correct, grow, get better, stronger, and faster at everything you do.
To break a bad habit is a noble yet difficult thing. To start new, better habits can be equally difficult.
I find that when I'm wrestling with a particular habit or behavior pattern I want to change, I start looking for excuses to continue the bad habit (or not start the good habit).
I can do all the planning and writing down exactly what and why I will make this or that change, but when the time comes to actually put in the work I actively seek distraction or excuse from doing the good thing I know I should be doing.
It's fantastically interesting to watch myself try to do this over and over and I am still not sure why I do it, but I know without a doubt that it's just another hurdle I always must overcome when I'm working on myself.
It’s interesting to note things like this about yourself. It makes it easier to work on changing those things as well.
Never stop changing.
Never stop changing things that keep you from making changes to yourself.
Every internet guru and "social media entrepreneur" these days seems to be talking about "empathy" or–even better–"tactical empathy".
But what is it all about? It sounds cool, but how do we become more empathetic in a way that helps our brand or business?
I think it helps to understand the difference between sympathy and empathy.
As defined by the dictionary, sympathy is harmony of or agreement in feeling, as between persons or on the part of one person with respect to another.
Whereas empathy is: the psychological identification with or vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another.
So our empathy in business, branding, and even negotiation isn't agreeing with the feelings or ideas of the people with whom you're connecting. That's sympathy. We're not in the business of giving out hugs.
The empathy we need to put forth is that we begin to understand the situation from the other person's perspective. We make the attempt to look at our brand, our work, our customer service, etc... from their eyes.
– Do people want to watch your totally awesome 45 minutes long YouTube video? Or do people really only have 8 minutes to give?
– Are the 48 hours wait for a return email from your customer service email form breed anxiety and anger in your customers? Wouldn't they be better served with a hotline they can call and get questions answered instantly?
– Do your cringe-inducing and provocative tweets drive people from wanting to work with you and alter your brand (the way people see you)? Would you not be better served to do some market research and see what your followers and viewers actually want to see from you?
I think the difficulty of true empathy is that it requires us to set ourselves and our ego aside and really care about serving our viewers, customer, or clients.
It's not easy, but if you begin doing it, you'll realize it changes everything in your business.
We don't need to like negotiating or asking for business, but it helps to understand that the world usually works that way. We won't get what we don't ask for.
We don't need to intimidate or try to crush people, but we do need to play the game of working with the emotions of the people with whom we deal with whom we do business.
We do need to ask, however, it's not what you ask. It's how you ask.
First, learn to ask and get comfortable with that. Then learn how to ask. The results will be incredible.
Everyone else will let us know what they think about what we want to do. They'll have no problem telling us we had a stupid idea or it's too risky or we shouldn't take that trip or start that business.
It's easy to stay the same. Keep the same comfortable mediocrity that we've always had and justified it with the words of the people around us.
But here's the thing, those external voices are nothing. Just a bit of moving wind in the air around your ears. What really matters is what you tell yourself.
Can you, despite the naysayers, stay the course? Can you pick up and change your life when everyone tells you it can't be done?
I just read the story of Roger Bannister, who was an English runner in the 1950s. He wanted to run a mile in less than 4 minutes.
Everybody told him is was humanly impossible! But he tried anyway and he failed. A bunch of times. But eventually, he ran the mile in 3 minutes 59.4 seconds. Close, but that's a sub-4-minute mile.
After he shattered the narrative presented by the "experts" thousands have gone on to run the sub-4-minute mile. So much for "common knowledge."
Don't let the talkers get in the way of the ones changing things.
There are only a select few who stand out to us as uncommon. Sadly, we seem to look at them as the "weird" ones.
I like to think of them as the special ones. I want to be more like them.
I think we're all presented with the opportunity to prove just how uncommon we are.
Instead of taking the easy way out, clocking out early, or going to bed when they arrive home after a 16-hour shift, the uncommon ones prepare for the next day, clean the house, and get a short workout in.
They hold themselves to a higher standard.
They analyze what they do (or don't do) and fix where they've gone wrong.
They leave no stone unturned in the quest to better themselves and they leave no duty undone when the alternative is to check out early or fill their life with excuses and blame for others.
"Here's to the crazy ones..."
When the bride realizes she left something in the hotel lobby 20 floors below and nobody can grab it, be the wedding photographer who insists you grab it for her.
When the time-critical package isn't delivered in time, be the FedEx employee who pro-actively secures a private courier to ensure the package gets delivered on time. Don't make the paying customer driver 2 hours to the nearest distribution center to get their package.
When the pipe breaks, get your renter a free hotel room(the nicer, the better!) for a couple of nights as a treat "stay-cation" to make up for the inconvenience.
Be the one who oils the wheel. Be the one who solves the problem. Be the one who over-delivers at every single step of the process.
They'll soon forget what you say and what you do, but they'll never forget how you made them feel. Also, it's just a cooler way to live your life.
Be not the problem!
Douglas Adams once famously said, “I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.”
But how to do you deal with deadlines?
I think the key to dealing with deadlines is the ability to forego the pleasure of the moment.
That's a fancy way of saying "kill procrastination".
Suffer the pain of discipline now to avoid the agony of regret later. You'll also start coming across as much more professional because you'll hit your deadlines and actually show up on time.
They say the best ability is avail-ability and there is some truth to that, but it's no good being there if you have nothing to contribute.
I think the best ability is the ability to creatively problem solve. When you learn to think creatively and freely and without concern for what those around you think about you, you unlock the greatest superpower that lies within you.
The ability to problem solve in creative and radical ways–even in the face of the status quo or that feeling of safety–allows you to positively contribute in your own life and business as well as the lives of others.